sallymurphy.com.au

Sally Murphy, Australian author

Guest Article: Making Your Writing Sparkle, by Robyn Opie

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Making Your Writing Sparkle
by Robyn Opie

A few years ago I went to a seminar at our local writers’ centre. It wasn’t specifically on writing for children. My interest was in hearing the speakers, which included two publishers and an agent.

When asked what they were looking for in a manuscript, one of the publishers answered: sparkle.

So how do you make your writing sparkle?

Pace
Pace can be considered the speed of a scene or the entire novel.

Does your children’s story flow smoothly? Does it get bogged down in places? Is it fast-paced? Is the importance of some scenes lost because they’re too fast? Is your children’s novel too slow and laborious? Is a scene too long, thus losing its tension?

Short sentences are good for creating tension. In other words, when you want to show characters in conflict make their dialogue short and terse.

For example:

“I hate you!” snapped Katie.

“I’m sorry,” said Paul.

“No, you’re not!”

“I didn’t mean it.”

“Right!”

Short sentences can create a sense of urgency, drama.

But short sentences can become monotonous. Consider this sentence. Then this one. Here’s the next. And one more. This is fun. I’m having fun. Maybe you’re not. Come with me. Please play along. Okay, it isn’t usual to have a paragraph of three-word sentences. I’m just making a point. Now you can see how paragraphs with short, medium and long sentences are a nice blend.

Longer sentences can slow the story down and give readers a break from all the action and drama.

Remove Unnecessary Words (Clutter)

Repetition

Many writers feel a need to repeat information, usually in a slightly different way, to empathise their meaning. You shouldn’t need to say almost the same thing again to reinforce your message and make sure the reader understands. If they didn’t get your point the first time then you may need to rewrite the original sentence.

Many writers also have a tendency to repeat favourite words or over use a word in a paragraph or page.

For example:

I wrote a story featuring a treasure map. As I read through one page of the manuscript, I realised that I’d used “treasure map” too many times – it started to become annoying. I had to find alternatives.

Ambiguity

It’s important to keep the reader with you. Sometimes I’ve been enjoying a good book and had to stop to reread a sentence or paragraph because it wasn’t clear to me.

Having to reread sections ruins my escapism and reminds me that I’m reading a book. Suddenly I’m dragged out of the story and I’ve lost the connection with the characters.

Qualifiers

Adding words like “very”, “extremely” and “really” weaken a sentence and its meaning. There are usually better alternatives. It’s a matter of finding the best word or phrase to do the job.

For example:

Consider – Jane was very angry.

Substitute – Jane was furious.

Consider – I was really cold.

Substitute – I was freezing.

Or better still – I couldn’t stop shivering. (Show Don’t Tell)

Adjectives and Adverbs

Some adjectives and adverbs are fine but, again, it’s a case of choosing the right word to do the job. Adjectives and adverbs can weaken a sentence and meaning.

For example:

Consider – Kim walked angrily to the bedroom.

Substitute – Kim stomped to the bedroom.

Consider – Dale spoke loudly.

Substitute – Dale shouted.

Description and Action

Because I’m given information in a book I believe that it must be important to the plot or characterisation. The same goes for TV shows and movies. So when I read on and realise that the information has no relevance, I’m disappointed and confused. Why was I given this information?

The best way to insert necessary information – relevant to the plot – is to look like you’re not inserting necessary information. In other words, work it into the story as naturally and subtly as possible. Let the readers know these important details in small doses, rather than bucket loads. Sprinkle!

For example:

Tim didn’t need his fifteen year-old sister to look after him. He’d be twelve in two months. Old enough to look after himself.

I’ve added to characterisation. My readers know the age of the characters. It also moves the plot along because Tim’s sister doesn’t do a good job of looking after him and he has to fend for himself.

Remember that people read for the story. The story is vital. Keep it moving.

Transitions

Early in my writing career I was given a good piece of advice: establish the setting at the beginning of each chapter. The reason for this is that chapters often mean a transition in time and/or place. To avoid confusion, your readers should know the where and when as soon as possible.

Keep transitions short. Keep the story moving.

For example:

He looked down at his bandaged body. Walking might be easier, he decided.

(Transition indicated by double-spaced line)

Ten minutes later, Tim was almost in the centre of town.

Viewpoint

Jumping from one person’s head to another can be confusing for readers, especially younger children. Books for younger children usually stick to one viewpoint.

In books for older children, multiple viewpoints are fine. Chapter breaks are often used to indicate a change in viewpoint.

Your story should always sound as if it’s written from the point of view of a child. Never sound like an adult. Children want to read about their peers. And they definitely don’t want to be preached to or lectured at.

Chapter Endings

One of the things I do when editing a novel is look at the last page of each chapter. Do the final scenes or sentences inspire the reader to keep reading? Will the reader want to turn the page?

You don’t have to end each chapter with a cliff-hanger. But you do need to consider each chapter ending and make sure it teases the reader or rouses their curiosity so that they have to continue reading your book. Leave them wanting to know more.

Something should be happening at the end of each chapter. More questions should be raised. Don’t finish a chapter at a quiet spot in the story, where nothing is happening. Keep the reader curious. Make them turn the page.

Logic

Your story should be plausible, believable. Your character’s motivation should make sense to your readers. They should be able to understand why a character wants a particular goal. The obstacles between the character and his or her goal should be believable, expected in a way. And your character’s actions should always be consistent given their background, personality and feelings.

Even fantasy needs be logical. Your readers should be able to believe that the events in your story are possible given the world you’ve created.

Sentence Structure

Consider the way your sentences are written. Do they make sense?

Beware of dangling modifiers.

For example:

“Having been thrown into the air, the dog caught the ball.”

In this sentence, the subject (the dog) is the ‘doer’ of the main clause – or action (caught the ball). In the modifying part of this sentence (having been thrown into the air) the ‘doer’ of the main clause is not clearly stated. It does not directly relate to the subject of the main clause, and so, it would be considered a dangling modifier.

Sentence Endings

A good sentence can be weakened by the last word. A strong sentence should end on a strong word, not tail off because of poor word choice.

Consider – It was a mystery where the children were.

Substitute – Where the children were was a mystery.

And remember that the most important words of a sentence should go at the end. The most important sentence should go at the end of a paragraph.

If you want to emphasise something put it at the end of the sentence.

Show Don’t Tell

Showing pulls readers into a story. It allows them to see scenes unfolding as if they’re there, like a fly on the wall.

Showing allows readers to relate to your character, to see the character’s world through his or her eyes. And soon your readers are empathizing and sympathizing with the character. They’re experiencing what the character is experiencing.

Showing is a great way to add to characterisation without looking like you’re adding to characterisation.

Telling distances your readers. You’ve told them exactly what happened and why. It doesn’t allow them to get involved, to make their own judgements.

For example (showing):

Tim held up his hands. “No more.”

“Come on, we’re having fun.”

Yeah, right, thought Tim. She was having fun. He was being tortured.

I’m showing you here that Tim is not happy.

Spelling, Punctuation, Typos

This one seems pretty obvious.

Do your best to eliminate any spelling, punctuation and typing errors from your manuscript before you send it to a publisher. Otherwise you’ll look like an amateur. You’ll look careless and sloppy.

The above advice is important to all writers, not just those writing for children. Your manuscript should be your best possible work to attract the attention of a publisher. It should sparkle!

© Copyright Robyn Opie. All Rights Reserved.

Sample Pages 10

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This is the last in my series of links to sample pages from my books of blackline masters, published by ready Ed. Today’s featured title is The Book Book, a book all about books, for use in primary school classrooms.

Enjoy the sample pages.

Guest Article: Great Fiction

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Do you want to write great fiction? I know I do. Lauara Backes has some great advice on how to make this happen.

GREAT FICTION COMES FROM WRITING LIGHTLY

by Laura Backes, Publisher, Children’s Book Insider, the Newsletter for Children’s Writers

Great fiction appears effortless to the reader. The characters and setting are so real, the story so believable, that the reader is completely unaware of the author behind the words. The smoothness of the text belies the hours of hard work and practice that went into its creation. The authors who achieve invisibility have learned the art of writing lightly; of subtly inserting so much information into the story without adding any new words that the book can’t help but spring to life. Here are some tips to help you write lightly too: Work hard on your opening paragraphs.

Regardless of the age you’re writing for, your first one or two paragraphs set the tone for the entire book. They introduce the main character, point of view, setting, mood, and sometimes the story conflict. The story starts in these first paragraphs– not two or three pages down the road. Grab your reader instantly rather than boring him or her with unimportant background information.

Make your dialogue work for you. Good written dialogue contains the essence of speech, not conversation as it happens in real life. Dispense with the clutter and make your dialogue count. Dialogue should give a sense of the personality of the speaker (through word choices and speech patterns), move the story along (have your characters talk about what’s happening in the book, or what they’re going to do next), and contribute to the visual imagery of the story. The latter can be achieved with “stage directions”; gestures or movements by the speakers, physical reactions of the listeners, or other action that’s happening during the conversation. Break up long stretches of dialogue with action or attach stage directions to the dialogue itself (“I can’t leave now,” she whispered as she parted the curtains and peered down the dark street). Remember, how someone speaks and what they’re doing as they talk all give clues to their emotional state, thus adding layers of meaning to the spoken words.

Choose verbs wisely. Well-chosen verbs can also add meaning to a sentence. How someone moves can show what they’re thinking or feeling. Just as importantly, specific verbs allow you to communicate a scene exactly to the reader. If the wind is blowing outside, your reader won’t know if it’s a good day to fly a kite or if a storm is approaching. However, if that wind explodes through the valley, there’s no room for doubt. Know your setting. Even if your setting doesn’t play a main role in the story, it’s a good idea to have details set in your own mind. What does your main character’s room look like? How big a house does she live in? Does she walk to school or ride the bus? These details will find their way into your story, and add life to the book.

Only tell the reader what he or she has to know. This is important for any age of fiction, but it’s most often abused in picture book manuscripts. Your story takes place during a certain time frame–an extraordinary period in your character’s life. Use only those characters necessary to tell this story; introduce events, conflicts, situations that apply directly to this time frame. If a traumatic childhood incident affects your 15-year-old character’s relationship with her father, then it’s necessary. If her losing the spelling bee in fourth grade means nothing to her now, leave it out.

Write as you talk. You can admire and study other authors, but don’t try to imitate them. The best way to achieve your unique writing style is to write as you talk. Don’t search for words you’d never use in ordinary conversation. Author Stephen King said, “Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word.”

Don’t worry about getting too complex with your writing either. Long, complicated sentences filled with dashes and semicolons, or descriptive paragraphs full of flowery prose won’t appeal to your audience. The trick, when composing your first draft, is not to think too much. Norma Fox Mazer, author of over 20 books, said she wears a hat with the brim pulled low over her eyes when writing a first draft. That way she can see her keyboard but not the computer screen, preventing her from getting “housewifey” and wanting to clean up the text. During the revision process you can choose your words more carefully, but if you find yourself stretching for a phrase or description, ask your-self if you’d ever use that in real life. If you were telling this story out loud, how would you tell it and what words would you choose? In the end, it all boils down to writing simply, directly, and making every word count. It doesn’t always come naturally, but if you practice the above techniques your writing will also achieve a light touch.

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For more information about writing children’s books, including free articles, market tips, insider secrets and much more, visit Children’s Book Insider’s home on the web at http://write4kids.com

Copyright 2001, Children’s Book Insider, LLC

Seven Answers to Seven Questions – Ian Irvine

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Today, Ian Irvine has dropped in to share his seven answers to seven questions. Enjoy!

1. Tell us a little about your publication credits. If you have none, tell
us about the genres you prefer to write, and your current projects.

I started writing in 1987 and was first published in 1998. I have written twenty-one novels, of which twenty have been published and the last is at the printer at the moment. I mainly write fantasy. My Three Worlds series for YA-to-adult readers, which comprises 11 books in two quartets and a trilogy, has done well and has been published in many countries and languages. The first book is called A Shadow on the Glass.

I’ve also written a trilogy of eco-thrillers about global warming and catastrophic climate change, Human Rites. These books draw on my professional experience as a marine scientist dealing with environmental and pollution issues over several decades. The first book is The Last Albatross.

And I’ve written 7 books for children, including three books so far of the Runcible Jones quintet (Puffin), and the four books of the Sorcerer’s Tower quartet (Scholastic), for primary readers, wonderfully illustrated in black and white by DM Cornish.

I’ve also written various articles about the business of writing and publishing, how the system works, and about the art of book promotion. See also the long article on my site, The Truth About Publishing, which is widely used in creative writing courses.

2. How long have you been writing for children?

About four years.

3. How much time do you spend each week writing and/or revising? And how
much time on other writing-related tasks such as promotion, researching
markets and so on?

I write full-time, so typically I would spend about 50 hours a week in writing and editing (more during the initial draft stage). I probably spend another 10 hours a week on all the other aspects of the writing life and business.

4. How much time do you spend reading children’s books? And what are you
reading right now?

I suppose I spend a quarter of my reading time on children’s books; unfortunately not nearly as much time as I would like. I’m presently reading The Field Guide, the first book of the Spiderwick Chronicles.

5. What advice would you give other would-be children’s writers, or share
with other professional children’s writers?

Keep it simple, keep description to a minimum and start the story in the first sentence. Don’t waste time in scene-setting or you’re likely to bore your readers away.

6. What is your favourite online resource for children’s writers? Why?

Write 4 kids, http://www.write4kids.com/, though to be honest I don’t use online writing resources all that much.

7. Do you have a website or blog? What else do you do to promote your
published works and/or your writing skills?

My websites are

www.ian-irvine.com

And

www.runciblejones.com.au

I do all manner of things for promoting, including speaking at conventions and schools, getting huge numbers of postcards and other materials printed and distributing them, mass mailouts to my fans etc. I’ve also had three book trailers made and these can be seen on YouTube, eg for the Runcible Jones books, at

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTt1eYG4LG4

Thanks heaps for dropping in, Ian.
If YOU would like to be featured here on the blog and share your answers to the seven questions, drop me a line at sally @ sallymurphy.net.

Sample Pages 9

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Today’s sample pages come from a spelling book called (not very originally) Spellbound. This is the book I wish I’d had when I was first teaching – teaching spelling rules to upper primary and lower secondary kids is both difficult and important.

Enjoy the sample pages.

Eight Answers to Seven Questions: Sandy Fussell

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Today we welcome children’s author, Sandy Fussell, who has come to answer my seven questions (and an extra one of her own). Welcome Sandy!

1. Tell us a little about your publication credits. If you have none, tell us about the genres you prefer to write, and your current projects.

In 2007 I had my first book published, Ratbags, an educational title in the Aussie, Aussie series. Peter Viska did the illustrations and it looks great. In 2008 I was fortunate to have three trade books published by Walker Books Australia. The first book Samurai Kids 1: White Crane was released in March 2008. While I initially wrote it as a stand alone my publisher felt it had series potential and also chose to illustrate it. Rhian Nest-James’ black and white drawings give the text an authentic Japanese look and feel and I know readers love them. They write and tell me! White Crane was subsequently picked up by Walker Books UK and Candlewick Press so will see overseas release in 2009. The second book Owl Ninja was released in October this year and an unrelated title, Polar Boy, in August.

I have recently completed Samurai Kids Book 3 and am currently writing Book 4. Another unrelated title will be released in 2010.

I like history and fantasy best. Early history gives me the opportunity to combine these two interests as historically accurate culture and religion of times past often bears a close resemblance to contemporary fantasy elements. And I would love to write a picture book – I think they are magical. Just one would see me satisfied. I have only ever had one picture book idea so that goal might be a long way away.

2. How long have you been writing for children?

I started writing quite by accident in 2003. My avid reader son decided overnight that ‘all books are boring.’ Like any good parent I panicked and bought him even more books. Nothing I provided would change his mind. So I challenged him to write a non-boring book. He told the story and I recorded it. I had some control over language but none over plot. The story was based on his friends and reflected the playground arguments of each day- every night people were being murdered and then springing to life the next afternoon. Very random. And very frustrating. I was inspired to begin writing my own story.

I penned nine 30,000 word manuscripts in three years – I was practising. The last of these was White Crane. I was lucky that I didn’t have to wait a long time to be published – I am definitely a Cinderella writer. But I did also work very hard. In those three years I did a number of courses, attended weekly workshops and anything else I could get to.

3 How much time do you spend each week writing and/or revising? And how much time on other writing-related tasks such as promotion, researching markets and so on?

It varies but I try to write at least 500 words a night. Even if they are rubbish and I throw them away the next morning. I think discipline is important. Writing is a habit for me. I am probably the most boring and rigid creative person around. I blame my tertiary background in pure mathematics and computing. My family are all in bed by 10.30 pm and then until 12.30 am I will write, read, google, research, play with my websites, email writing colleagues, maybe exchange manuscript notes with a friend – that sort of thing. I also attend a weekly face-to-face workshop. I have a young family and a full-time job so I try to do as much on-line as possible. I do lots of revision editing waiting at the school bus stop.


4. How much time do you spend reading children’s books? And what are you reading right now?

I am a very fast reader which is a good thing as once I start a good book I can’t put it down. I can read an average size young adult novel in an hour. And then if I really like it, I will often re-read it. Once for enjoyment and once to learn from it. The book I most recently did this with is an Australian verse novel Against the Tide by Irini Savvides. Wonderful! I try to read three books a week – usually junior fiction but I will always be tempted by a good fantasy especially if there is a dragon in it. Last week I read Skulduggery Pleasant Playing With Fire (Derek Landry), Loathing Lola (William Kostakis) and an adult novel for a change – Dark Mountain (Catherine Jinks). Loved them all. On my desk for this week are Brisingr (Christopher Paolini), Dragon Dawn (Carole Wilkinson) and Into White Silence (Anthony Eaton).

5. What advice would you give other would-be children’s writers, or share with other professional children’s writers?

If you want to be discovered you have to get out there where people will trip over you. Learn everything you can. Meet everyone you can. Give as much as you can to others. I received all this advice from Di Bates, who mentored me through every aspect of the writing profession. Her advice is brilliant and I’m glad of the opportunity to share it. Someone else once told me writing is 95% sweat and 5% talent. Personally I’m not too sure of the percentage but there is definitely a lot of persistence, hard work and perspiration required. I am the queen of overkill!

In relation to writing historical fiction, I received two wonderful pieces of early advice that I would also like to repeat. They weren’t given to me personally, I heard them at seminars (another reason to attend!), but they immediately struck home. Vashi Farrer said if you write at the edge of history then you have more room to move – your story will not be so closely dictated by major events. And Felicity Pulman said to never overlook the value of an illustrated junior reference book as a picture can be worth a thousand words.

My own advice is – write, write, write. Then write some more. Be involved. You can be part of the industry even before your first book is published. In addition to my own writing I mentor two new writers, wrote a local newspaper books column (up until the paper folded a few months ago), am on the executive of the local branch of the CBCA and am the web master for an on-line book review magazine The Reading Stack. Other projects are in the pipeline.

6. What is your favourite online resource for children’s writers? Why?

My favourite resource is answers.com. I love the thesaurus. Not to look up words but to wander around in. I once read that Stephen King said any word found via a thesaurus is not worth using and while I would never be so foolish as to argue with Stephen, I think the thesaurus is a great place to throw a fishing net. I just trawl through looking for words that make me feel things. When I was writing Polar Boy, it was a real challenge to describe a minimalist landscape of snow and ice with a very limited repertoire of imagery. So I went ice fishing in the thesaurus and I discovered snizzle – a light fall of snow. I can still remember how it felt – it felt soft on my shoulders. Another night I discovered screak when I was looking up onomatopoeias. I love them. They’re my favourite sorts of words. Was there ever a better work to describe a bat cry than screak?

When I write, answers.com is always open. I look up words I use not to replace them, but to get a wider sensory experience from them.

7. Do you have a website or blog? What else do you do to promote your published works and/or your writing skills?

As a computer programmer with a background in web site build and design, using the web for promotion is second-nature to me. I have two websites. The first is my author website www.sandyfussell.com which is all about me, my books, my journey and the books that inspire me. My second website is dedicated to the Samurai Kids series and specifically provides teaching resources such as a webquest, fun activities for kids such as an on-line quiz Which Samurai Kid Are You? and information about the series. Kids can even print Samurai Kids cards.

I attend everything and anything. In the last two months I spoke at Bookfeast in western Sydney (a gathering of 400 students), presented sessions at three schools for Book Week, gave a public reading in the local mall as part of the Viva La Gong Festival and attended two primary school ‘literary luncheons’. It’s all fun.

And if I could add a question of my own…

8 What is the best thing about being a children’s writer?

The kids. It’s a real privilege to write for kids, to receive their feedback and be involved in their reading experience. I love doing school visits. This initially surprised me because while I felt it was important and was determined it give it my best shot, I thought I would not be very good. But I soon discovered it doesn’t matter whether I am a polished performer or not. Kids love meeting an author and they definitely love all things samurai. I went to sword fighting classes as part of my research so I have a bokken, a wooden practice sword. And I also like to play with sound words so I have a gong (in Samurai Kids Sensei is always banging a gong). I take these with me to schools. Loud noises and pointy sticks – what kids wouldn’t like that? I have heaps of fun and hopefully the children learn a little too.

I was lucky enough to be invited as Official Guest at the Henry Lawson Festival of the Arts. It’s a long story where the first choice, a well known TV actor couldn’t make it last minute, and I have family in the area so was a logical fill-in fallback. Not only was it a wonderful experience where I made lots of speeches, presented medals and judged competitions, but in the street parade one of the local schools dressed as Samurai Kids and when they came to the official dais, they shouted ‘Sensei’ and all turned and bowed to me. I’ll admit it – I bawled!

Thanks so much for dropping in, Sandy. If YOU would like to answer these seven questions and be featured her on this blog, drop me a line at sally @ sallymurphy.net.

sallymurphy.com.au